I had to steal this. Occasionally there comes something, drifting through the inter-webs, that is worth stealing...This came to me already anonymized, passed friend to friend to friend. Sorry to whoever originally wrote it. There were a handful of minor modifications that I made for clarity, brevity, impact or punctuation. I can't guarantee that my changes are the last that this needs. Alter at will, but please, stay true to the sentiment.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN:
Joe rises at 6 a.m. filling his coffeepot with water, to prepare coffee. The water is relatively clean because a bunch of tree-hugging liberals fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first glug of coffee, he takes medication. It is relatively safe to take, because commie liberal tyrants fought to ensure the safety and efficacy of all drugs. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because liberal union thugs fought their employers and many died, to secure paid medical insurance. Now, Joe gets it too. He prepares breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because hundreds or weak, bookish, girly-man liberals fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. After having read the book, The Jungle by Upton Sinclair.
In the shower, Joe reaches for shampoo. His bottle is labeled with each ingredient and relative amount in the total contents, because a crybaby liberal fought for Joe's right to know what he puts on his body and how much, of what, it contained. Whole organizations of "leftys" like Environmental Working Group have fought so that people can know exactly what the best and healthiest products to put on your body are, it is called Skin Deep.
After his shower, Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is relatively clean because environmentalist wacko liberals fought for laws stopping industries from poisoning the air. No doubt, after reading Silent Spring by Rachel Carson. Joe heads to the subway for his government-subsidized ride to work which saves him considerable money in parking, wear and tear on his own ride and greatly reduce his transportation costs because fancy-pants liberals fought for affordable public transportation, giving everyone an opportunity to be mobile and contribute.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for the working standards he enjoys today, like the weekend and the forty hour week. Joe's employer pays attention to these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get worker compensation or unemployment benefits that he has paid for with a little bit from each check because stupid, godless, liberals didn't think Joe should lose his home because of temporary misfortune. At noon, Joe needs to make a bank deposit on his lunch break, so he can pay bills. His deposit, federally insured by the FSLIC, because some spendthrift liberals wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who have repeatedly ruined the economy and banking system even before the Great Depression. Not to mention the most recent crash! Joe pays on his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and a below-market federal student loan because an elitist liberal snob decided that Joe and the government are better off if he is educated and earns more money over his lifetime.(That's what allows him to pay more taxes too and he will miss them less as he makes more!)
Joe, home from work, plans to visit his father in the evening at his farm, back at his childhood home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among some of the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards and equipment. He arrives at his family's homestead, after traveling on a road funded by money-wasting, bleeding heart, socialist-inspired network of roads and bridges. His was the third generation to live in a house financed by Farmers' Home Administration, another liberal subsidy, because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberals stuck their noses where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. Joe is happy to see his father, who is retired. Living on Social Security and a union pension because a bunch of over-educated, wine-drinking, brie-eating liberals made sure he could take care of himself, so Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in the car for the drive home, listening to a talk radio show. The host, funded by the oligarchs, keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans, bastions of "business interests", have fought mightily against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees with the radio though: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! Tax and spend! Tax and spend! It's either jobs, or pollution, you can't have both! After all, I'm a self-made man, just like John Wayne in the movies set in the "Old West". Everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."
Living in the post two-party system era requires us to educate ourselves on the relative worth of thinking only about the next quarter and how that compares with seventh generation thinking!
 |
| These were very expensive signs, utilized for all of three minutes for the tee vee cameras. I worked as a stagehand and pulled nearly them from a dumpster after the gig, painting them with a half dozen stencils in an attempt to turn the throughput of the failed political system to new uses, helping educate and serve the people, rather than just exploiting them. |
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN:
Joe rises at 6 a.m. filling his coffeepot with water, to prepare coffee. The water is relatively clean because a bunch of tree-hugging liberals fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first glug of coffee, he takes medication. It is relatively safe to take, because commie liberal tyrants fought to ensure the safety and efficacy of all drugs. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because liberal union thugs fought their employers and many died, to secure paid medical insurance. Now, Joe gets it too. He prepares breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because hundreds or weak, bookish, girly-man liberals fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. After having read the book, The Jungle by Upton Sinclair.
In the shower, Joe reaches for shampoo. His bottle is labeled with each ingredient and relative amount in the total contents, because a crybaby liberal fought for Joe's right to know what he puts on his body and how much, of what, it contained. Whole organizations of "leftys" like Environmental Working Group have fought so that people can know exactly what the best and healthiest products to put on your body are, it is called Skin Deep.
After his shower, Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is relatively clean because environmentalist wacko liberals fought for laws stopping industries from poisoning the air. No doubt, after reading Silent Spring by Rachel Carson. Joe heads to the subway for his government-subsidized ride to work which saves him considerable money in parking, wear and tear on his own ride and greatly reduce his transportation costs because fancy-pants liberals fought for affordable public transportation, giving everyone an opportunity to be mobile and contribute.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for the working standards he enjoys today, like the weekend and the forty hour week. Joe's employer pays attention to these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get worker compensation or unemployment benefits that he has paid for with a little bit from each check because stupid, godless, liberals didn't think Joe should lose his home because of temporary misfortune. At noon, Joe needs to make a bank deposit on his lunch break, so he can pay bills. His deposit, federally insured by the FSLIC, because some spendthrift liberals wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who have repeatedly ruined the economy and banking system even before the Great Depression. Not to mention the most recent crash! Joe pays on his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and a below-market federal student loan because an elitist liberal snob decided that Joe and the government are better off if he is educated and earns more money over his lifetime.(That's what allows him to pay more taxes too and he will miss them less as he makes more!)
Joe, home from work, plans to visit his father in the evening at his farm, back at his childhood home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among some of the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards and equipment. He arrives at his family's homestead, after traveling on a road funded by money-wasting, bleeding heart, socialist-inspired network of roads and bridges. His was the third generation to live in a house financed by Farmers' Home Administration, another liberal subsidy, because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberals stuck their noses where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. Joe is happy to see his father, who is retired. Living on Social Security and a union pension because a bunch of over-educated, wine-drinking, brie-eating liberals made sure he could take care of himself, so Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in the car for the drive home, listening to a talk radio show. The host, funded by the oligarchs, keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans, bastions of "business interests", have fought mightily against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees with the radio though: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! Tax and spend! Tax and spend! It's either jobs, or pollution, you can't have both! After all, I'm a self-made man, just like John Wayne in the movies set in the "Old West". Everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."
 |
| 1984 |
Living in the post two-party system era requires us to educate ourselves on the relative worth of thinking only about the next quarter and how that compares with seventh generation thinking!
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