Mother's Wisdom

They say that the most important things that we learn are absorbed by the time we are out of kindergarten. One might go a bit further and say that some children are the bane of their teachers in that "grade" only because their mothers failed to teach them properly. I have seen many moms who don't think that their children can understand them or reason out difficult questions. Many children communicate by using grunts and whines, crying often when they feel that their needs are not being attended to. This is a direct response to undeveloped skills. Their development languishes, not because they are incapable, but because of not being spoken to as humans. If there were a school for young mothers, this would be Communication 101, speak to your children, not in "baby talk" that makes the child think that you are insane, but in complete sentences and using vocabulary as varied as your moods.Knowing that there are myriad ways to express one self is probably one of the greatest gifts that we can give a child. Communication is at the core of our existence and quality of life. Without it, nothing happens and good communicators are much more able to get their way, both in childhood and through to adulthood. If we want to give our children the best chance of sucess, talk to them clearly, concisely and appropriately, they will work out the details, whether you believe in their abilities or not.
By the time I had rerached kindergarten, my mom had taught me things that many never learn. The maxim, your freedom ends where the other person's nose begins was a fine bit of reality to have to chew on while cutting my teeth in social interactions. I remember, even as a young child, searching for justice and cooperation. the compassion that I was born with was not snuffed out through mistreatment or abuse, so I came to value the quality of life of my fellow beings, whether that was popular or not. I think that a strong force in my ecological ethic is born of that truth. Hoiw we allow corporate interests to despoil our land, air and water, upon which we all depend for life and health, is still beyond me.
Leave everything better than when you found it was also key to understanding how I "fit" into the world around me. If you use something up, let the person who buys it know, they may have a stockpile somewhere, or in extreme cases, a shopping list. for any of us to experience the quality of life to which we have become accustomed, work had to be done. The only way we can respect those who have given of themselves for our good fortune is to give back a little. later in life I learned that this is called Karma Yoga. If we all got with that program, think how it would change the quality of life for everyone.
Although Mom didn't say it quite so succinctly, opinions are like assholes. What other people think should never deter one from doing what is right. Usually, those who complain or obsess over what they consider to be "immoral" choices, made by others, have no lives of their own and are trying to fill the void with self-righteousness and hate. Most folks who have given advice realize that it is best used in our own lives and hardly ever helps the other person to see things as clearly as we might hope. Again, as I got older, this helped more than almost anything else that I have ever learned. Recognizing a closed mind and the supreme moral crime of desperately trying to open it took years to fathom, but understanding that changing a mind is the responsibility of the owner and no one else, that was a precious gift indeed.
The thing mother taught that was most appreciated was the knowledge that bullies feel terrible about themselves. In several cases, feeling compassion toward someone who was beating me up, either stopped them from continuing to beat me, or undermined their desired goal enough to get them to stop and think, if only for a moment. In these nuggets of wisdom, a man was made. The things we learn as children guide us throughout our lives and I am eternally grateful for the insight and compassion with which I was raised. a famous poem, Children Learn What They live, details many of the things we teach, without thinking, to our children. Doing the best we can with what we have is great on a personal level, but where children are involved, it is essential.
Rather than passive boxes, which can be filled up with knowledge, children are more like infinitely thirsty sponges, sucking up information agressively whether we want them to or not. The work of raising children is the most sure way to affect the future. The things we pass on to them will certainly outlive us. I know it is a couple months early, but the next time you see a mother, thank her for doing the most important job in the world. better yet, offer to help. The rewards will be far greater than the cost, I assure you. If you are able, just drop your own mama a line and don't forget to thank her for doing her best to try to pass her knowledge along to you.