Another One Bites The Dust

When I hear that a friend, acquaintance or even a stranger has passed the veil at their own hand, it often gives me pause to question why. I'm curious about the source of their pain and what threshold must have been met to push them toward this choice rather than the myriad of others that are open to each of us. Having seriously considered suicide several times myself, I know the depths of depression that lie beneath the surface of many minds. After all, there are things that each of us sees in life that are tremendously disappointing, isolating, repugnant, senseless and vile. However what makes one person follow up on feelings of disappointment, self loathing or desolation, by killing themselves, while another resolves to make the best of a similar, or perhaps even a more difficult situation? I suppose that my ego would be placated if I could only answer the questions:"Why?" Why did they do it? Why did I not know they were in need of help? Why did they feel that they had run out of other choices? Why didn't they tell someone about their feelings? Why didn't they ask for help?

Funny thing is, these questions are moot. Not everyone values life the same way. Luckily, though this is moot as well, some abide by religious prohibitions on suicide. Others "chicken out" or simply "can't fathom" what would push someone to this level of physical, mental, or emotional pain. Our egos are forever lying to us, lying in wait for a crucial moment to work their subterfuge and debilitating ways upon us. Few are even aware of the methods by which this overarching mental construct has power over us. The ultimate selfishness behind the act of committing suicide is both hedonistic and liberating. But completely ignores the fact that none of us are completely alone, unless we choose to be.

Long, long ago, I found peace in seeing the paradox, "We are all both independent agents and integral to each others lives." Whether we honor one another or not, the fact is inescapable. We must always strive for a balance between there two diametrically opposed ideas. "No man is an island." it has been said, but who could ever thank adequately the people whose daily efforts fill our cups, bathtubs and sinks? How many of us voice our appreciation appropriately to folks feed us, warm us, teach us, inspire us, or for that matter build our homes?

For some, the paradox is like a stone in the shoe. The constant chafing and pain of it eats at them from the inside. It is easy to see how, in a culture that holds John Wayne characters up as a litmus test for self-sufficiency, keeping everything under control, and being steeled against any and all relationship, we could begin to feel like less of a person when we know that we cannot make it alone. We also forget the sweet pleasures of truly loving one another because we have been bamboozled by those who claim that our history lies on a "foundation of puritanical values", not realizing that the Puritans, and their hate and prohibitions are all, long dead. Our country was not "based" on Puritan, or even Christian values, but on realizing that a series of independent states could not stand the test of time.

Although I always regret when people die senselessly, especially at their own hand, I take heart in knowing that, however you want to say it, their purpose was lost to them, their reason for living had been obscured, by their estimation the world would be better off without them, their karma ran over their dogma. Whatever it was that led them down that terrible path has now passed from the Earth with them. Their spirit will live on amongst those who knew them, or were touched by their passing, and at least that part of them has the power to change the world, unfettered by physicality, greed or deception. Blessed Be those who are left here to pick up the pieces. May we all realize the need to love one another back to a place where we can all feel welcome, safe, honored, respected, challenged and provided for!