Emotional giving is perhaps the least easy to practice, because it makes for the stuff of conflict and angst when it is not respected or understood. Coupled with that, we have very few chances to learn about this type of sharing because so many of us are either guarded or in the dark about our own emotional state of affairs. Add to this the fact that emotional gifts are often seen as assaults, if they strike too close to the core of our sense of self or as examples of neediness if they are perceived by others who do not understand their own emotional matrix. It is one thing to tell someone that they have a physical limitation or an intellectual one...We may actually understand that we could possibly use one thing or another or that an idea could have some utility, but our emotions? our feelings? how could those be lacking, right? Many of us go through life not understanding the basic fact that who we think we are, or who our ego tells us we are is not the whole story.
We (the vast majority of us) essentially live our lives pretending that and acting as if we were not emotive beings, but the truth could not be further removed from reality. When we experience road rage or frustration, our ego defenses kick into high gear immediately and with a vengeance that seems alien when we inspect those responses in others, but our own swirling emotional word integrates our own sense of things seamlessly, rendering our perspective as truth and fact. This altered state of reality is what advertizing tries to work upon, what religions seek to reign in and what our parents discipline us for. When we see these responses in our children we may call it strong or hotheadedness but we rarely identify this emotional "reality" for what it really is, a complex series of chemical reactions, reflexive responses and preconceptions about what is right and good, (our sense of justice) our own sense of worth (identity) and the interplay of who we say we are and the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Emotive forces are virtually ignored in comparison to their impact on our daily lives. Add to this the difficulty in talking about emotions and the potential risk associated with opening up to others about our true feelings and you get a sense of why it might be harder to give on this level. Giving financially or giving objects can result in others running off with things or fortunes, or perhaps not valuing the items as you may have done. The same can be said for ideas and intellectual gifts. Who has not felt the sting of others either "stealing" your ideas as their own or neglecting the important ideas or advice that we may have shared with them? But our emotional gifts, no, those are far more cutting when they are squandered, abused or ignored. There is an exquisite pain that can only come from truly opening up to others, only to have them either ignore those gifts or to not appreciate them. We all carry pain around with us and most of the time those who inspired that pain have no idea that they had heaped a whole bunch of hurt on us, much less try to make things right.
This sort of giving is rife with dangers if we do not understand that we are more than our emotions, more than our egos and more than our sense of ourselves. Having our own emotions in a healthy place opens us to being able to give in this way more deeply and more profoundly and when we can give on this level to others who respect it, amazing results can come about. For years, I dove deep into my own pool of emotion, searching through the murk and dark corners trying to find what part of me had been hurt in which ways so that I might heal and grow beyond my own feelings of being victimized. I had to talk through the many levels of angst created by physical and mental abuse and the emotions that came up when my sense of self was seriously challenged. After nearly a decade of reflection, analysis and exploration, I finally feel strong enough to share intimate details about my own emotional development to share openly the whole story about how I became whole. When others try to tear me down, using the information I have given them, I understand that it isd more about them than me and that their sickness and anger is for them to learn from and hold no value for me other than teaching me deeper lessons about compassion and love.
Understanding our own feelings and the emotive forces that lead to them is a giant step to self-realization and the peace which comes from knowing ourselves on the emotional level can go a long way to living healthier lives with less stress and angst. Helping others to make sense of their inner world can lead to transformations that lead to benefits on many other levels and we cannot shy away from exploring the art of emotional giving if we are to make the world a better place to live. The word ubutu comes to mind. "I am because you are." This African concept is at the heart of emotional health and the welfare of our tribe and community. This emotional connection exists whether we learn to understand it or not. Being able to be open to our emotional world is the first step in learning how to give on this level. Try these words on for size. "I get where you are coming from." "It sounds like you are really hurting." and "What I am hearing is the pain in your voice, it must hurt a lot to feel that way." Beyond that, we must learn to share our own inner world if we are to allow others the space they need for their own growing self awareness.
This is giving art is critical and the rewards that this type of giving can yield make it one of the more powerful forms of giving that there is. With a bit of peace, love and understanding, the type only possible when we understand that we are not alone, miracles can happen. Lives can be reclaimed from decades of self abuse and neglect. I have had it happen for me, so I know that these transformations are real. We do have to put our lives on hold long enough to give another their space, but in the end, we can both be refreshed, renewed and enriched by the process.
We (the vast majority of us) essentially live our lives pretending that and acting as if we were not emotive beings, but the truth could not be further removed from reality. When we experience road rage or frustration, our ego defenses kick into high gear immediately and with a vengeance that seems alien when we inspect those responses in others, but our own swirling emotional word integrates our own sense of things seamlessly, rendering our perspective as truth and fact. This altered state of reality is what advertizing tries to work upon, what religions seek to reign in and what our parents discipline us for. When we see these responses in our children we may call it strong or hotheadedness but we rarely identify this emotional "reality" for what it really is, a complex series of chemical reactions, reflexive responses and preconceptions about what is right and good, (our sense of justice) our own sense of worth (identity) and the interplay of who we say we are and the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Emotive forces are virtually ignored in comparison to their impact on our daily lives. Add to this the difficulty in talking about emotions and the potential risk associated with opening up to others about our true feelings and you get a sense of why it might be harder to give on this level. Giving financially or giving objects can result in others running off with things or fortunes, or perhaps not valuing the items as you may have done. The same can be said for ideas and intellectual gifts. Who has not felt the sting of others either "stealing" your ideas as their own or neglecting the important ideas or advice that we may have shared with them? But our emotional gifts, no, those are far more cutting when they are squandered, abused or ignored. There is an exquisite pain that can only come from truly opening up to others, only to have them either ignore those gifts or to not appreciate them. We all carry pain around with us and most of the time those who inspired that pain have no idea that they had heaped a whole bunch of hurt on us, much less try to make things right.
This sort of giving is rife with dangers if we do not understand that we are more than our emotions, more than our egos and more than our sense of ourselves. Having our own emotions in a healthy place opens us to being able to give in this way more deeply and more profoundly and when we can give on this level to others who respect it, amazing results can come about. For years, I dove deep into my own pool of emotion, searching through the murk and dark corners trying to find what part of me had been hurt in which ways so that I might heal and grow beyond my own feelings of being victimized. I had to talk through the many levels of angst created by physical and mental abuse and the emotions that came up when my sense of self was seriously challenged. After nearly a decade of reflection, analysis and exploration, I finally feel strong enough to share intimate details about my own emotional development to share openly the whole story about how I became whole. When others try to tear me down, using the information I have given them, I understand that it isd more about them than me and that their sickness and anger is for them to learn from and hold no value for me other than teaching me deeper lessons about compassion and love.
Understanding our own feelings and the emotive forces that lead to them is a giant step to self-realization and the peace which comes from knowing ourselves on the emotional level can go a long way to living healthier lives with less stress and angst. Helping others to make sense of their inner world can lead to transformations that lead to benefits on many other levels and we cannot shy away from exploring the art of emotional giving if we are to make the world a better place to live. The word ubutu comes to mind. "I am because you are." This African concept is at the heart of emotional health and the welfare of our tribe and community. This emotional connection exists whether we learn to understand it or not. Being able to be open to our emotional world is the first step in learning how to give on this level. Try these words on for size. "I get where you are coming from." "It sounds like you are really hurting." and "What I am hearing is the pain in your voice, it must hurt a lot to feel that way." Beyond that, we must learn to share our own inner world if we are to allow others the space they need for their own growing self awareness.
This is giving art is critical and the rewards that this type of giving can yield make it one of the more powerful forms of giving that there is. With a bit of peace, love and understanding, the type only possible when we understand that we are not alone, miracles can happen. Lives can be reclaimed from decades of self abuse and neglect. I have had it happen for me, so I know that these transformations are real. We do have to put our lives on hold long enough to give another their space, but in the end, we can both be refreshed, renewed and enriched by the process.
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