Physical giving is predicated on the concepts of belonging or ownership. Possession is somewhat arbitrary and our culture has devised many grotesque and awkward supports for this false concept. My wife, or my children implies a concept of ownership that is rife with disturbing complications. My house often means the vehicle which will shift many thousands of dollars into the hands of someone who has no interest in your living arrangements or quality of life. Most native cultures do not recognize this sort of ownership. In the word Ubuntu for instance, I am because you are is a much more common reality that humans have lived under for millennea. Private property is at odds with the more realistic idea that we are all in this together and by now, most of us have heard: "Mi casa es su casa." literally meaning my house is your house. A physical gift in our culture can be money, which is a representation of time spent working, or things. It can be an arm to hold onto when someone is unsteady, a hand up or a hand out, but in each case we are providing an object that used to fall under our control for the use or provisioning of another.
We often forget that our things actually own us. My collection of art, you see, keeps me constrained because I will forever need to have a safe dry place to keep it, free of critters and insects. Having been homeless on two occasions, I know how difficult protecting items is compared to keeping yourself warm, dry enough and critter and insect free. Giving a physical gift unburdens the giver in a very real way, but it shifts responsibility for and the burden of "ownership" to the receiver. Let me give a small example. I was recently gifted a knife. It is a beautiful bauble I suppose, but a useful tool in my profession. The difficulty is that it is made for use by two sorts of people. Those who wear belts and those who favor their right hand. I really do appreciate the gift and want to use it as often as possible, but I have to keep it in my pocket, where other objects have gotten caught on the clip and opened the blade while the knife was in my pocket which is more dangerous than you might imagine. Also, the clip that is supposed to keep it securely on your belt is both on the wrong side because of what hand I use the knife in and in addition it makes the tool uncomfortable in my hand.
Physical gifts have the ability to create difficulties that were not there without the gift. I had a car gifted to me once that cost many thousands of dollars to fuel, maintain, secure, park and store. At the time, it was far more burden than gift, but it was from family and I didn't want to tell them that their gift was inappropriate. Although it did hold some memories for me, it was too big to put on a curio shelf or wear as a necklace. For the longest time it was just art and at the time I was okay with that, but in hindsight, my neighbor, perhaps, were not. Like the gift of an awesome PA (Public Address) system that I got when I went off to college, it was a wonderful gift. I played thousands of hours of music way too loud through it, but in the end it was too big for my dorm, too big to travel without a car or truck and in the end it had to be passed along as a gift to unburden myself from the weight of it. Something similar occurred to my record collection. I has to scheme and plan for where it would go when I could not house and store it. Each time I would find what I thought was a secure temporary "home" for it, many of my most prized discs would find new homes. What had been over three thousand albums shrunk and grew depending on whether I had possession of them or not and finally one day, after I had driven cross country to get them all in one place again, I had to have the space back that I had dedicated to them for decades. As free as the music had the power to make me feel, on another level they were just a burden.
I was extremely lucky to have had children with someone who was aware of the challenges that come with physical gifts. Anyone who has seen the Disney movie Toy Story knows the idea of old possessions becoming jealous of new possessions and although this is trumped up for the movie, within the very real psychological world of the child, physical gifts can create trauma. In most ways, children are not that much different than adults. We tend to define ourselves by what we own, what we desire and what we feel good about having and doing. When something new comes into our possession we often feel out of sorts for a while as we try learn new ways of going forward. I have seen many children that struggle with too much and too many things, especially at the holiday season and around their birthdays. Getting too many gifts at once can be completely disorienting, so for our own children we would only allow them to choose one new gift per week or moon to be introduced into the toy box. This way, their relationships with all of their other toys would not be threatened by a bunch of new stuff. Children are far more practical and appreciative of one special gift that the glut which most families lavish upon them at celebration times.
Learning to share is something we never really grow out of. The advent of time shares, the air B&B movement, boat and equipment rentals and co-housing options are all ways of sharing the responsibility and cost of ownership amongst more hands. This has the effect of lightening of the load on any one person for supporting resources that others can enjoy and that also allow them to share the myriad benefits that can come from a well-used tool. Finding ways to keep what we "own" in use affirms the energy and resources that went into their creation. Leaving them sit idle not only creates a storage problem, but undermines their utility. Keeping alive the charm that objects can represent requires utility above all. Getting out more than you put in often can only be achieved by sharing. Seeing the delight in the eyes of another person who is appreciative and in wonder at being allowed to have a chance to use something is often more valuable than holding onto that item for your exclusive use.
We often forget that our things actually own us. My collection of art, you see, keeps me constrained because I will forever need to have a safe dry place to keep it, free of critters and insects. Having been homeless on two occasions, I know how difficult protecting items is compared to keeping yourself warm, dry enough and critter and insect free. Giving a physical gift unburdens the giver in a very real way, but it shifts responsibility for and the burden of "ownership" to the receiver. Let me give a small example. I was recently gifted a knife. It is a beautiful bauble I suppose, but a useful tool in my profession. The difficulty is that it is made for use by two sorts of people. Those who wear belts and those who favor their right hand. I really do appreciate the gift and want to use it as often as possible, but I have to keep it in my pocket, where other objects have gotten caught on the clip and opened the blade while the knife was in my pocket which is more dangerous than you might imagine. Also, the clip that is supposed to keep it securely on your belt is both on the wrong side because of what hand I use the knife in and in addition it makes the tool uncomfortable in my hand.
Physical gifts have the ability to create difficulties that were not there without the gift. I had a car gifted to me once that cost many thousands of dollars to fuel, maintain, secure, park and store. At the time, it was far more burden than gift, but it was from family and I didn't want to tell them that their gift was inappropriate. Although it did hold some memories for me, it was too big to put on a curio shelf or wear as a necklace. For the longest time it was just art and at the time I was okay with that, but in hindsight, my neighbor, perhaps, were not. Like the gift of an awesome PA (Public Address) system that I got when I went off to college, it was a wonderful gift. I played thousands of hours of music way too loud through it, but in the end it was too big for my dorm, too big to travel without a car or truck and in the end it had to be passed along as a gift to unburden myself from the weight of it. Something similar occurred to my record collection. I has to scheme and plan for where it would go when I could not house and store it. Each time I would find what I thought was a secure temporary "home" for it, many of my most prized discs would find new homes. What had been over three thousand albums shrunk and grew depending on whether I had possession of them or not and finally one day, after I had driven cross country to get them all in one place again, I had to have the space back that I had dedicated to them for decades. As free as the music had the power to make me feel, on another level they were just a burden.
I was extremely lucky to have had children with someone who was aware of the challenges that come with physical gifts. Anyone who has seen the Disney movie Toy Story knows the idea of old possessions becoming jealous of new possessions and although this is trumped up for the movie, within the very real psychological world of the child, physical gifts can create trauma. In most ways, children are not that much different than adults. We tend to define ourselves by what we own, what we desire and what we feel good about having and doing. When something new comes into our possession we often feel out of sorts for a while as we try learn new ways of going forward. I have seen many children that struggle with too much and too many things, especially at the holiday season and around their birthdays. Getting too many gifts at once can be completely disorienting, so for our own children we would only allow them to choose one new gift per week or moon to be introduced into the toy box. This way, their relationships with all of their other toys would not be threatened by a bunch of new stuff. Children are far more practical and appreciative of one special gift that the glut which most families lavish upon them at celebration times.
Learning to share is something we never really grow out of. The advent of time shares, the air B&B movement, boat and equipment rentals and co-housing options are all ways of sharing the responsibility and cost of ownership amongst more hands. This has the effect of lightening of the load on any one person for supporting resources that others can enjoy and that also allow them to share the myriad benefits that can come from a well-used tool. Finding ways to keep what we "own" in use affirms the energy and resources that went into their creation. Leaving them sit idle not only creates a storage problem, but undermines their utility. Keeping alive the charm that objects can represent requires utility above all. Getting out more than you put in often can only be achieved by sharing. Seeing the delight in the eyes of another person who is appreciative and in wonder at being allowed to have a chance to use something is often more valuable than holding onto that item for your exclusive use.
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