Again, how does one speak of something so primal, so ethereal as honor? The closest I had heard about it when I was very young was "It takes a lifetime to build a reputation, but it only takes a second to destroy it." My teachers were guiding me toward honor, but perhaps they were not sure exactly how to talk about it either. I remember when people had pre-marital sex and got pregnant, "the honorable thing" was to marry the young woman, which also made no sense to me. After all, the honorable thing as I understand it would be more about not getting a young woman pregnant before marriage, but that is truly another story. As a young man, I read the speech written by William Shakespeare, given by his character, Marcus Antonius, given after Caesar's death. During this relatively brief speech, Antonius continues to repeat the line, "but these are honorable men", referring to Brutus and the other conspirators. Even at first reading I could understand the shrewd use of the dripping irony, the twist of phrase that drew in the crowd, got purchase upon their hearts and whipped them to a fury against the conspirators that was palpable. Mere words regarding the honor, not of the conspirators, but of Caesar, moved the crowd to seething hostility and deadly rage! We all know a few of these "honorable men", do we not?
True honor is even more than just saying what you intend to do and doing what you say. It is being humble in that, because honor need not bring accolades, for everyone needs to behave with honor. I can partially forgive those who have been raised on a steady diet of abuse and neglect only because they may have not yet had the concept of honor filled in, defined in ways they understand or perhaps they have not yet seen a model for this illusive quality. It is understandable then that they would see no value in it. I heard another way of speaking about honor that made a big impression on me, just in the last few weeks. "The greatest act of cowardice is to make someone fall in love with you and have no intention to reciprocate." Again, I am not speaking of honor, but I can easily point to the opposite.
Also growing up, there were some fairly common statements to the effect that there is "honor amongst thieves", like folks who rob and steal for a living won't rob or steal from one another. I can say with total certainty that this is not the case! Again, we are speaking of the opposite of honor, but I really want to take a stab in the direction of the meaning, for me, of this word. Honor is the Siamese twin to respect. I know that it may muddy the waters for some of my readers, but even the respect that I understand can be confused. Let me make a run at that first, so as to clarify why I brought that into the discussion. A dear friend recently made the case for fear, guilt and shame, claiming that they had a purpose in getting others to behave in ways you want them to. I had to stand up and voice my opposition to the very concept. Honor came into play. The person I believe myself to be could not stand for undermining other humans and fear, guilt and shame have no place in the coming age of peace, freedom and abundance. It is one of my most cherished beliefs that all humans can be motivated to behave appropriately, simply by educating them as to why co-operation is necessary.
As I honor and respect others, I would also like to think that they would honor and respect me. Not in ways that instill fear if they don't go along with me, not guilt for disobeying me, or having their own ideas about ways forward, I don't even want for people to feel ashamed if they do not meet expectations, it is a useless emotion. I am pretty sure that honoring our mistakes makes them less likely to haunt us, because we can learn and move on. The last oddity that i had to confront when growing up was the, I believe, Girl Scout Promise, "On my honor I will try..." by the time I heard that I understood that there is no try, only to do or not do. In my heart of hearts I knew that part of the problem our culture faces is that there are too many pledges, too many promises and too many excuses made to "be true" and far too little attention is often paid to the real tools that are needed to even be capable of making a significant commitment.
Honor is not asking others to live up to anyone's expectations, especially your own. It is not expecting everyone to be at least as informed as you are, honor is remaining an integrate whole in spite of people ruffling your feathers, pushing your buttons or bringing up sore feelings you may feel totally justified in having. Honor submits to no mere passing phase or "temptation", no honor is like the stillness that carries the day when everything else felt uncertain or changeable. Honor is something like a rock, it counts, it is not showy, but it will remain, even when times change.
True honor is even more than just saying what you intend to do and doing what you say. It is being humble in that, because honor need not bring accolades, for everyone needs to behave with honor. I can partially forgive those who have been raised on a steady diet of abuse and neglect only because they may have not yet had the concept of honor filled in, defined in ways they understand or perhaps they have not yet seen a model for this illusive quality. It is understandable then that they would see no value in it. I heard another way of speaking about honor that made a big impression on me, just in the last few weeks. "The greatest act of cowardice is to make someone fall in love with you and have no intention to reciprocate." Again, I am not speaking of honor, but I can easily point to the opposite.
Also growing up, there were some fairly common statements to the effect that there is "honor amongst thieves", like folks who rob and steal for a living won't rob or steal from one another. I can say with total certainty that this is not the case! Again, we are speaking of the opposite of honor, but I really want to take a stab in the direction of the meaning, for me, of this word. Honor is the Siamese twin to respect. I know that it may muddy the waters for some of my readers, but even the respect that I understand can be confused. Let me make a run at that first, so as to clarify why I brought that into the discussion. A dear friend recently made the case for fear, guilt and shame, claiming that they had a purpose in getting others to behave in ways you want them to. I had to stand up and voice my opposition to the very concept. Honor came into play. The person I believe myself to be could not stand for undermining other humans and fear, guilt and shame have no place in the coming age of peace, freedom and abundance. It is one of my most cherished beliefs that all humans can be motivated to behave appropriately, simply by educating them as to why co-operation is necessary.
As I honor and respect others, I would also like to think that they would honor and respect me. Not in ways that instill fear if they don't go along with me, not guilt for disobeying me, or having their own ideas about ways forward, I don't even want for people to feel ashamed if they do not meet expectations, it is a useless emotion. I am pretty sure that honoring our mistakes makes them less likely to haunt us, because we can learn and move on. The last oddity that i had to confront when growing up was the, I believe, Girl Scout Promise, "On my honor I will try..." by the time I heard that I understood that there is no try, only to do or not do. In my heart of hearts I knew that part of the problem our culture faces is that there are too many pledges, too many promises and too many excuses made to "be true" and far too little attention is often paid to the real tools that are needed to even be capable of making a significant commitment.
Honor is not asking others to live up to anyone's expectations, especially your own. It is not expecting everyone to be at least as informed as you are, honor is remaining an integrate whole in spite of people ruffling your feathers, pushing your buttons or bringing up sore feelings you may feel totally justified in having. Honor submits to no mere passing phase or "temptation", no honor is like the stillness that carries the day when everything else felt uncertain or changeable. Honor is something like a rock, it counts, it is not showy, but it will remain, even when times change.
No comments:
Post a Comment